hrmmm...so i cant decide what new dress i want...so i'm gonna post pix in here....i either want this one or... this one ben ben likes the striped one..but i just want more opinions cuz i cant make up my mind...muah!
this is my ben ben ....and i just wanna say that he is an absolute doll baby and i love him to peices...and i hope he feels better *winks* i love ya babe!
me mum bought me the tragedy living dead doll today for watching my sister...wahoo!! she's soo cute! i love these dolls...i have all of series two except for lou *dont really care if i get him or not tho* and i still need lottie from series three...and if i can ever find them, the red series of sinister minister and bad habit..i have the black and the white pairs of them.....i really want penny too...but i need money to bid on her on ebay...but i have tragedy...so i'm happy for now...yay!
wellllllllll things are interesting now...seems mr. wayne is coming around...he keeps talking about me to his brother and lina *who always give me the 4-1-1* lol..so maybe he will be mine soon........and i just read an email tim tim sent me like last week saying i'm in deep trouble cuz he was lookin at sum pix of me and got all horny lol....so now he's gonna visit me...BRING IT ON!!! lol...that is all for now....just gotta get my giddiness out of my system...muah!
i dont really wanna write in this right now but i kno i havent updated in an uber long time and maybe if i type sum stuff out i may feel better...it will at least occupy my time... business is jumping jumping lately....me and mistress have been doin peoples hair nonstop for the past three days so i starting making business cards to get our name more well known....we havent even had time to do our own hair..hopefully tomorrow we will tho... wayne is being a butt as usual...we have a weird relationship....and sumthing fable boi said today made me want to throw up......he was talking of an ex that is trying to find him.....and he said if she's looking for him to hook up agian he just might go back to her....this bothers me...for i moved all the way across country to be with him and he says he cant have a relationship cuz of his identity crisis and how he needs to work on himself first....but now all of a sudden that's different?.......i'm starting to think there is seriously sumthing wrong with him......this happens all the time.....if there is sumthing wrong with me will sumone PLEASE tell me??? i mean..i'd rather have people tell me the truth and tell me if i have sum defect which makes people fall for me one minute then the next say they cant be with me for whatever bull shit reason......i think i'm meant to be alone.....or meant to not kno what the fuck is wrong with me.....*sigh*....i havent had a real relationship in almost two years.....at first i didnt want one.......but now i do...i'm ready...and i'm starting to get really lonely...and everytime i get close to sumone...sumthing fucks up......is there sumthing wrong wiht me? i put it on my friends.....if there is let me kno....cuz i'm really getting sick of being lied to and hurt for other peoples fuck ups....*sigh again* oh well......sleepy time it is...i'll dream of hair and clothing to make me feel better...tis the only thing i enjoy anymore.....*kiss kiss*
havent updated lately.....and i cant really right now either....uber busy day today....but as soon as i have time i'll update everyone on what i've been doin...lots of funny/weird shit.....love you all! muah!
okies...it's that glorious day Friday the 13th...and u'd think sumone like me and my friends could think of sumthing incredibly cool to do tonight....well ....yer wrong lol..i called mistress and her boi and all they wanna do is stay home and play video games....losers...well mistress wants to play video games...her boi just goes along with it...i kno he wants to do sumthing but doesnt wanna hurt her feelings...*makes barfing motion*.... sooo i'm talking to ever so adorable beno....maybe i'll do sumthing with him....i might visit him at school sumtime too...cuz i wanna see brother donnie and i told beno i'd eat lunch with him hehe.......... damnit...maybe i'll get uber lucky and sumone cool will call me and be like 'hey mar-mar come do this uber cool thing with me cuz it's friday the 13th'...lol hrmmm...i can hope anyways right? i'm showered, dressed up and no place to go on friday the 13th!!! *i kno i'm too spooky cliche for my own good* lol... oh wellz...i'll figure out sumthing...tata!
alrighty....happy freaking 9/11.....the day hasnt even officially started and this day is getting to me already... dont forget to wear yer red white and blue kids! or u'll go to hell! blah...this day is supposed to be a mourning for the dead kinda thing.....if so ...then wear black! not our countries colors......yeah yeah..supposed to be a unity thing...but it's really sad that sumthing like that had to happen in order for us to 'unite' but the so called unity of the 'usa' is a bunch of shit and a false reality to make believe we can actually be considered as one ...... last time i checked it was the WORLD trade center...everyone from all over the WORLD represented that building....therefore get all the flags..not just ours.. this day has become a disgusting economy set up to make money off of what we're supposed to be proud of...what we stand for....so buy a flag and mourn the dead...show how we're all as one...fuck that shit.....we'll never be as one.. everyone in the government knew that attack was bound to happen sooner or later *if u paid attention in gov class u'd kno*.....so they market off of the death of people.....it's disgusting i kno i'm gonna get sum shit for this post....but i dont care...i had to voice my opinion on this..... and for all of u who are gonna say i'm insensitive and all that crap...my dad works in dc...he was very close to the pentagon...i was scared to death of the thought of him being there...he's in the military..and he's section had to go back to the pentagon day and day after to help look for bodies...so i dont wanna hear i dont understand those who almost lost sumone or me bein insensitive...i had to see my dad go in and out day after day looking for those poor people.. so if u wanna show rememberance for those that died..then that's one thing...but dont profit off of it and try to make it like "we have seen the light becuz we treat other countries like shit and they finally got back at us even tho we saw it coming, so now we'll sell lots of red white and blue to make the economy stronger" and to end this post cuz i'm too aggrivated to make an ending that makes sense...i'll end it with this...
wahoo!! new stuff on my head...my camera's flash was weird tho so the pix coloring are funny...but u still get the idea..as soon as i have pix of mistress' and her boi *i did their hair too* then i'll post em...enjoy!
lalala...yesterday was cool...i got up uber early to take kids to school then couldnt go back to sleep ....so downloaded otep sum more...almost have the whole cd... then i dyed my hair...cuz it was this icky orangy natural looking color and i had put sum red over it my sis had before but it turned blotchy magenta...cant have that...so i put sum special effects blood red over it and now it's gorgeous....i think red is my fav color on my head... then when my mom came home she asked if i was expecting sumone cuz sumone pulled up behind her...so i ran outside and it was robo boi and chablis!!! so i hung out with them for a while til chab needed her car...so we dropped her off then went to mistress'...then spent the rest of the night with wayne and julia....i swear wayne is a weirdo lol...he acts like he hates julia one minute...but cant get rid of her..so instead of having balls and telling her to fuck off...he goes along with whatever she says lol...sad really. today is candy's birthday...so we're driving to culpepper to see her...will be fun...havent seen her in like four months lol
not sure what i'm doin this weekend...i wanna hang out with veruca sum more since i've only seen her once this week...i'll have to call her tomorrow... gotta call vlad again too...tell him i cant visit him til next weekend probably.. oh wellz...off i go....*muah*
i'm back i'm back!!! hehe...i got back on friday afternoon...and it feels sooo good to be here! lol... i saw mistress and her boi first...then i saw veruca who about flipped a bitch when she saw me hehe...then i saw wayne and nut...that was fun...i've missed those nerds... today i saw lina, rez, ragdoll boi, chablis, and fro...that was sooo cool...cuz i didnt expect all of em to be there...and ragdoll boi came out and tackled me..it felt sooo good to see him...i worry about him a lot... so it was great the past few days... tomorrow i have an eye appoinment...mistress is gonna go with me...then we're job hunting...and i think i'm gonna take new pix tomorrow too...wahoo! hehe...bibi luvies!
leaving for the bus station soon!!! then i'll be back in good ole fred on friday morning...and i cant wait! lol...here i come guys! be prepared! Mar-Mar is back in business! lol muah!
i've been meaning to write these down in here..so finally here they are..
flashbacks nickelbacks nursery rhymes of give a dog a bone slit wrist, dying breathes
there's no place like home
fake idendities mindless parties ones own self never known
take a pill, cure the ill now no place to go
afterall there's no place like home
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deafened by the everlasting void all has grown old
that old couch full of memories of cat piss and puck stains memorized every crackle of that voice
over and over it spins in circles over and over tasting these tears
so tell me what happens now when we've got nothing else to say after all these years?
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forbidden fruit overflowing w/the juice that tastes of blood drunk w/ecstasy entangled linbs locked tighter than they've ever been
bliss that comes in multiples sweaty puddles that are now dead
you always gave good head
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the glitter gurl has lost all her shine her eyes are now dull if she stands there stripped and naked would u be able to really see her? what if u were naked too?
do u feel the draft yet? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the room smells of ashes and still ye not home that cigarettes still burning u left on long ago on the window sill i'm still alone, in this empty room filled w/smoke everythings still not right and still the tv's on i amuse myself in drowning pleasures the air is cold, my hair now a weird shade of blonde still that cigarette burns on the window sill oops it caught the drapes on fire...
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marmar's journal
drained
frustrated
awake
sad
cheerful
